by Arthur Crabtree » Wed Apr 01, 2015 8:30 pm
1. Good. Congratulations to England. Nas and Athers were the best commentators at the competition. Relaxed, without any of the braying, the locking of antlers, and the taciturn sulks that went on elsewhere. The Kiwis, Doull and Smith were ok too. Though Smith could get mardy, if necessary.
2. Bad. The Aussie callers were hard to take. Warne was the only commentator I had to mute, though the surly Ian Bishop had me squirming on my side of the settee a few times. Mark Taylor is a good bloke, but it's like listening to PA announcements at a noisy bus station. And who asked for Bernard Julian? Moody was... well, he was one of the best for insight, but he seemed to resent everyone. He was furious all the time, like he was undertaking a long journey in the company of Charles Colville. And my brief period of not finding honorary Aussie, the oleaginous Mark Nicholas, annoying, is over.
3. Good. Mitch2. Clearly, by head and shoulders the man or woman of the tournament. Bowled with a menace beyond the grasp of any of the other great bowlers in the competition. While Trent Boult bowled just as well with the new ball, Mitch2 was deadly at the other end of the game too. Stunning pace and swing, with nerve and a great cricket wit. In a competition of crazy comedy shots played in a swirl of one armed psychedelic orange catchers, Starc maintained the oppressive, ominous presence of Grouty in Porridge.
4. Bad. The bloody graphics. Looked like the same aesthetic as the London Olympics mascot, but there was never any likelihood it was going to end up on a pencil case. Migraine inducing intrusiveness in an emetic purple and sea green. As Martha and the Vandellas sang, so high, you can't get over it, so wide, you can't get around it. All night long.
5. Good. The umpiring. OK, there was little James Taylor's run out off a dead ball. And there was that waist high controversy. But mostly the umpires weren't made obtrusive by bad decisions, and DRS managed to avoid the spotlight. It wasn't really that obvious that there aren't any good umpires. Minus points for not telling Braddin to shut up in the final. Though when Dharmasena told Starc to keep it down, he got a volley of verbals in return.
6. Bad. The world cup song. The simple, repetitive Dr Dre style track, married to the lung busting Jocelyn Brown-a-like vocals, were fine the first time you heard them. And that was it. After a thousand listens, I had a pencil in one ear and a handful of blu-tack in the other trying to blot it out. Too bland for a sanitary towel advert. Presumably no one at the ICC thought to read the asinine, 'inspirational' lyrics.
7. Good. Daniel Vettori. I should write something nice (and lengthy) about Dan on his retirement, but I'm a bit tired. So I'll say it here. Basically one of the good guys for 18 years of international cricket. Slightly strangely, he seems to be fancied by girls, with that glimmer of intelligence and self control, coupled with the cute vulnerability of batting in glasses. Dan gave me my moment of the tournament when his floating slow left arm stopped the charging Aussie openers at Eden Park. I could throw this open into wider point about the Kiwis in general... there was a great atmosphere in their grounds.
8. Bad. Maybe the winners ceremony, but I didn't have the stomach for it. Maybe those weird, patchwork Scotland shirts... I had a feeling that the Aussies weren't into it that much as hosts. But that's just an impression. Also, the stupid times the games were played at. But I'm going to go for people being bad losers who should know better. Principally, ICC big-wig Mustafa Kamal, who two weeks after a single decision went against his team, and despite having an administrative role at the ICC, like a divorced husband unwilling to accept a divorce settlement, he just won't let it go. Add to that the Zimbabwe newspaper who wrote spurious lies about a player (John Mooney at the Bellerive Oval) who, as far as we know, took a fair catch on the boundary.
9. Good. Almost everyone. Just about every team overachieved just a little. The associates played some good cricket and left behind some names we will remember. Pakistan and West Indies did well to squeeze out Ireland and make the last eight, and Wahab Riaz left behind one of the performances of the competition. New Zealand did well to get to the final, and the Aussies won. India went in to the competition with some supporters thinking they had no chance, but their brilliant pace attack helped them take 100% of available wickets going into the semis. Bangladesh got to the quarters, and were robbed by cheating... well, we'll find out. Sri Lanka and South Africa might have done better, but they probably got as far as the their talent deserved...
10. Bad. ... Apart from England! Gosh, they were terrible, from the timid batters to the toothless bowlers. Let down by the selectors, and even by the breathtaking what-iffery of their ousted captain. Hopefully the world wasn't listening when Data-Peta was explaining their performances. Even the press had a shocker, lining up behind the Moores plan of beating the associates and Bangladesh and then getting lucky. But they didn't beat Bangladesh, and didn't deserve to. England were unique among the competitors in not leaving behind a single performance worth remembering.
I always say that everybody's right.