2014- The Sequel: England in 2015.

[braveneutral]

I can see you as being in the mould of Katie Hopkins.

[Arthur Crabtree]

I'm a lot slimmer than Katie Hopkins.

[braveneutral]

Mildred would probably be bustier.

[Arthur Crabtree]

If she survived that plane crash in the Andes.

[braveneutral]

Sipping champagne in an Aztec chateau.

[Arthur Crabtree]

Shipping off opium to a cartel in the city.

[braveneutral]

Of course. Champagne doesn't come for free!

[Arthur Crabtree]

Not even Peruvian champagne.

[braveneutral]

Unless it is a crumby vintage.

[Arthur Crabtree]

She'd only drink decent Peruvian champagne.

She'd use the bad stuff to wash the mules.

[braveneutral]

It would probably have excellent cleaning properties.

[Arthur Crabtree]

England opposition team of the year.

7. BJ Watling (w).

254 runs at 85. A hundred and two fifties.

In the first innings at Lord's, as New Zealand sought to extend their first innings lead on their way to 523, Watling scored 61* off 86 balls with eleven fours. In the second innings, as the Kiwis dug in facing likely defeat, and at 61-5, the keeper batted over three hours for 59 in a vain attempt to save the game. This is the image of BJ: practical, adaptable, resourceful.This picture, as well as his crouchy batting and slight frame is the way we like to think of our keepers, if we toss in a hint of eccentricity. They are cricket's support players. I like the principle of BJ Watling so much I'm always especially disappointed if I don't get at least a memorable cameo. Without the gloves he stepped nearer centre stage at Headingley, his superb 120 on a deteriorating pitch giving England way too many to chase.

8. Yasir Shah.

15 wickets at 22.

Without Yas, at Abu Dhabi, England took the game into the fifth day and nearly stumbled upon an unexpected win. With him, England could never do much more than hold on. His dismissal of Adil Rashid late on in the second Test, ensured they weren't able to that in Dubai, and Pakistan won with comfort in Sharjah. Without Yas in Abu Dhabi, Cook ground out 263 in over ten hours. and kept England in a game they might have won at the last. With him, Cook averaged 16 in their head to head, and Yasir got him three times out of four. Yasir went at 2.6 runs an over and bowled a lot of deliveries, offering control and cutting edge.

[Arthur Crabtree]

Best innings against England of the year.

3. Chris Rogers, 52 at Edgbaston.

Which is the better, the epic innings in convivial circumstances, or the improbable but brief resistance in formidable conditions? Rogers scored 173 at Lord's, adding 284 with Steve Smith. In the second innings he took a blow on the head that he didn't seem to entirely recover from for the rest of the series. Australia won by 405 runs. In the ten days before the Birmingham Test, the Edgbaston ground staff used heat lamps to ensure a covering of live grass on the Test pitch, and Michael Clarke foolishly (hubristicly?) decided to bat first. James Anderson bowled the tourists out for 136. There was a sense of doubt about Rogers after the blow he took from Mark Wood. But Rogers provided the only significant resistance England faced in the first innings in either of the midlands Tests, both played on the far side of the conditions possible in England. At Edgbaston, he was eighth out with 110 on the board, the ground grassy underfoot, the sky locked down with dismal grey and rain.

[Arthur Crabtree]

Best bowling against England of the year.

3. Yasir Shah, 4-93 & 4-87.

It wasn't like the last time. Pakistan didn't have their special concession and England were forewarned. The visitors were able to bat out time, and mostly had to be got out. Yasir bowled a lot of overs in the game, but, together with an inspired spell from Wahab Riaz in the first innings, provided most of the cutting edge. Yasir got Cook twice and took out top order bats with asphyxiation. To the tail enders he tended to give enough rope. The left handers particularly found it hard to score. It wasn't like 2012, and Pakistan worked hard for their rewards as the shadow moved across the ground just slowly enough for a conclusion to take place, but with eight wickets in the match, and another seven in Sharjah, Yasir was their stalwart match winner.

[sussexpob]

Best innings against England of the year.

3. Chris Rogers, 52 at Edgbaston.

Which is the better, the epic innings in convivial circumstances, or the improbable but brief resistance in formidable conditions? Rogers scored 173 at Lord's, adding 284 with Steve Smith. In the second innings he took a blow on the head that he didn't seem to entirely recover from for the rest of the series. Australia won by 405 runs. In the ten days before the Birmingham Test, the Edgbaston ground staff used heat lamps to ensure a covering of live grass on the Test pitch, and Michael Clarke foolishly (hubristicly?) decided to bat first. James Anderson bowled the tourists out for 136. There was a sense of doubt about Rogers after the blow he took from Mark Wood. But Rogers provided the only significant resistance England faced in the first innings in either of the midlands Tests, both played on the far side of the conditions possible in England. At Edgbaston, he was eighth out with 110 on the board, the ground grassy underfoot, the sky locked down with dismal grey and rain.

Is this one for the hipsters, AC?