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England's Most Embarrassing Defeats.

England cricket fans of middle age grew up to the grating sound of the cadence of England defeats advancing and retreating with the tide; the eternal note of sadness in following the English game, a part of our cricketing identity, as the island's poetry is to its spirituality. I'm not sure that supporters of other nations feel defeat as close to their heart. When England stopped being a losing team in 2000, it took its followers five years to catch on, just in time to see the wave crash and scatter.

There are defeats, and there are defeats, and a connoisseur of vanquishment can sense the smell of loss approaching in the wind and then absorb its negative energy, gradually and then deeply. A word emerged to explain the mentality. The Fear. England fans have the fear. Even now. Maybe younger supporters don't have it. But you can hear it in the tone of the comments of my generation, or older, or a bit younger. It's an expectation that the worst will happen. In life, that means people lose the optimism to believe that they can ever win. And that leads me to wonder if the players had, or have, the fear too.

But there are defeats and defeats as I say. The heavy expected defeat that feels bred in the bone, a heritage, like losing to the West Indies in the eighties or Australia either side of the millennium. There is the existential humiliation of the loss to the emerging nation, an unforeseen twist of the knife like the first time you lose to your child at chess. There are strategic Charges of the Light Brigade cock ups. There are the don't-tell-him-your-name-Pike moments of haplessness. There is the ignominy of defeat under shaming circumstances, so much more furtive and degrading than winning that way, felt like the sick loneliness of heavy losses at gambling. There are defeats that end dynasties, and there are those that are the lowest point possibly beyond which it is not possible to fall.

And there are exciting near misses. There are glorious failures. There are valorous what-ifs. Like in the West Indies in 1990. But I'm not going to examine those. This is a journey into a long dark tunnel which allows in no light.

A countdown, 20-1 format, taken from 1978-2016! Short comments from 20-11, longer reflections 10-1.

First entry in the morning. Comments most welcome.

Are you preparing us for a return to those days AC or just feeling inclined to put on your hair shirt and inviting those of us who lived though those times to join you.

this could be a long thread

Don't think those days will return in the way they were. We're all different now, and so are they. Hair shirts is a good idea for merchandising though.

Still surprised a book hasn't been written yet about my number one.

Hope to read the low points of others. Maybe even going further back.

20. New Zealand v England at the Basin Reserve, Wellington. February, 1978.

A first for New Zealand, their debut win against England after 48 years (and 48 Tests) of trying. And England seemed to be on such a high, after winning in India and then regaining the Ashes in the summer of 1977. English cricket was then thrown into disarray, with Underwood, Greig, Knott and Woolmer joining Kerry Packer's cricket circus. And even more damaging, Mike Brearley elected not to tour.

His replacement as skipper was... Geoff Boycott, the single most disruptive influence on English cricket in my lifetime. Windy Wellington was his first Test as captain. Boycott had only the previous summer returned to the team after his refusenik years of the mid-seventies when many accused him of avoiding the Australian and West Indies pace attacks. The dressing room was in turmoil. This was the series where Ian Botham was sent to deliberately run out the Yorkshire blocker in the second Test in Christchurch, successfully ('I've run you out, you ****').

In hindsight, New Zealand were well placed to make the most of an underprepared pitch because they had a legendary fast bowler in Richard Hadlee. But in 1978 he had an average of 35, his halcyon years were ahead of him, and England had a great attack of Willis, Hendrick, Old and Botham. But England bowled badly having inserted the hosts. Hadlee took 10-100 in the match, well supported by Richard Collinge, another left arm nemesis of Geoff Boycott..

Boycott batted for seven and a half hours for his first innings 77, the top score in the game. But the innings didn't impress his colleagues or the press for its obduracy. They felt he invited pressure onto the others. After he went in eight minutes in the second innings England submitted to the Kiwi seamers for 64 in only 27 overs, Botham top scoring with 19. They were chasing 137. England were a shambles, and unwelcome tourists. When Ewen Chatfield ran out Derek Randall, backing up in Christchurch, it spoke eloquently of the rancour between the sides.

At the Basin, New Zealand celebrated long and loudly. England drew the series, but Boycott never captained England again.

http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/63203.html

Good idea for a thread.

I have my own ideas on what I remember, but Ill let AC finish his top 20 and see if any of them are included anyway.

Obviously the 1978 series is well out of my depth

Got five from this decade, just two from the noughties.

Arthur Crabtree wrote:Got five from this decade, just two from the noughties.

What decade is the noughties to you AC 1900 or 2000?

My memory gets a bit hazy before the great flu epidemic of 1918. So the 2000s.

Arthur Crabtree wrote:My memory gets a bit hazy before the great flu epidemic of 1918. So the 2000s.

I read somewhere that Wellington is the 3rd windiest city in the world. Chicago is no.1 but I confess to not knowing which city is no.2... Obviously the addition of Boycs would have elevated Wellington into second spot for the duration of any post play interviews he may have made

london meant to be quite windy.
liverpool is the most windy city in the UK but not in the top 5 in the world with most of them in America or South America apart from Wellington.

not as windy as Boycott