Anyone but England- 2016.

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Anyone but England- 2016.

Postby Arthur Crabtree » Fri Jan 13, 2017 8:42 pm

If you support anyone but England, 2016 got off to a terrible start, with their away win in South Africa, and a series against Sri Lanka which was so one sided I hadn't remembered the third Test was a draw (which meant England didn't win any of their London tests this year). Fortunes picked up in mid summer as Pakistan took the lead at Lord's and then came back to draw 2-2 at the Oval.

The year closed gloriously with a 1-1 draw in Bangladesh and a solid thumping in India which brought great pressure to bear on Alastair Cook's captaincy. And a variety of other perks: the calamitous malfunctioning of the spin attack; a put-upon and irritable pace offensive; an abysmally selected squad of batters that requires yet another overhaul before the summer; and some clumsy wicket keeping. A little of something for everyone.

Probably best not go near the ODI team. Or the T20 side. Apart from that over from Ben Stokes in the WCT20, erm, final.

Here is the year. Starting with the Against England Team of the Year.


1. Tamim Iqbal. A star performer against England over his career. His average of 61.3 is the best of any Asian batter against England other than Mohammad Yousuf (minimum 500 runs). He comes eighth out of players from all countries, just behind Viv Richards and Brian Lara, and ahead of Rahul Dravid and, um, Colin Bland. His wristy manipulation of the England spinners, to off and leg would have been a delight, had it not been at 3 or 4 am.

Two Tests: 281 runs at 57.8. One hundred, one fifty.

2. Murali Vijay. A stylish opening bat underrated by his own fans and who mysteriously never attracts even one millibar of hype. Quite a pleasing driver on the front foot, but at times, it seems his qualities are invisible to the internet, almost as if he was a New Zealander.

Five Tests: 357 runs at 44.6. Two hundreds.

3. Hashim Amla. Unfortunately, Amla's potent mystique as a scholarly and spiritual master rarely survives an interview. Or last year, a spell as South Africa's captain. But he was cherishable in his prowess for seeing off a volley of robust sledging by the English press, who sensed his weakness after a poor first Test in Durban at the end of a disappointing year. Amla hit back with a dogged double century in Cape Town and a fluent ton in Centurion. Job done.

Four Tests: 470 runs at 67.1. Two hundreds, one fifty.

4. Virat Kohli. No one in cricket got better media in 2016. In a wider context, he came only second to David Bowie. By the time Kohli got around to swatting the England bowlers from his perch on top of the Empire State Building, the India captain had already attained the status of an inexorable superhero. Sadly, England weren't able to offer the kind of opposition that did justice to his instantaneous legend. Crushing the England spinners was a bit like Sherlock Holmes arresting some fly tippers. His interest in the mind games was a nice homage to Saurav Ganguly and sketched in a little interesting backstory.

Five Tests: 655 runs at 109.2. Two hundreds, two fifties.
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Re: Anyone but England- 2016.

Postby Arthur Crabtree » Fri Jan 13, 2017 8:43 pm

Coming up... the remainder of the 2016 XI, and the five best batting and bowling displays against England over the year.
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Re: Anyone but England- 2016.

Postby hopeforthebest » Fri Jan 13, 2017 9:29 pm

You've found a new slant on old story AC.
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Re: Anyone but England- 2016.

Postby Arthur Crabtree » Fri Jan 13, 2017 10:06 pm

I've sort of done this for the last ten years, but it's a bit different this time, as I don't have live coverage, so I don't get the same impression of players' idiosyncrasies. And my views are even less valid. But what the hell...
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Re: Anyone but England- 2016.

Postby bigfluffylemon » Mon Jan 16, 2017 8:54 am

You make me chuckle AC.
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Re: Anyone but England- 2016.

Postby alfie » Mon Jan 16, 2017 12:26 pm

Evil but funny , Arthur :twisted:
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Re: Anyone but England- 2016.

Postby Arthur Crabtree » Mon Jan 16, 2017 6:19 pm

Chaps. Better crack on before I run into 2018.

5. Misbah-ul-Haq. Nothing upsets the opposition more the simple act of sportsmanship. England, at least, don't know how to react. They either, as with New Zealand, behave like they are best mates and insist on drinking together in the 'rooms'. Or they get offended, like a divorcing husband on being told he is welcome to the wedding present his mother bought and had been over the fireplace all those years... They feel passive-aggressive intent. Hence the weird quarrel England got into with Pakistan over their exercises and salutes on the outfield. Well done Mis... And his hundred at Lord's was the most purely joyful moment at England's expense in the last 12 months. At 42, a real middle aged role model!

Four Tests: 282 runs at 40.3. One hundred and two fifties.

6. Karun Nair. Scores against England, 4, 13, 303*! It's always tempting when forecasting a likely passage of play to assume players who you don't know anything about will come and go without doing too much damage. Nair complied with a low score in Mohali on his debut. He has a first class average of 55, but who in India doesn't? Then thirteen in Mumbai. Unlucky son. But then definitively ground England into the dust (because Indian pitches are dustbowls) over ten hours in Chennai. He would have broken Lara's record and India should still have had time to win the game. 759-7 declared and the Anyone-But-England highpoint of the year. The new Lawrence Rowe?

Three Tests: 320 runs at 160. One hundred!

7. Quinton de Kock. Maybe I find it hard to like QDK because of his resemblance to Sherlock's Jim Moriarty, the Napoleon of Crime. Me being a law-and-order sort of person. It seems South Africa absolutely have to contort themselves before they'll do the obvious, perhaps because of their complicated selection strategy. Hence they seemed to try everyone before settling on the prodigiously talented de Kock. And then he got injured walking his dog, before returning with a run a ball 129* in Centurion. Adam Gilchrist is the only keeper to score a faster hundred against England.

Two tests: 143 runs at 143. One hundred.
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Re: Anyone but England- 2016.

Postby Arthur Crabtree » Mon Jan 16, 2017 6:27 pm

Typically getting longer.
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Re: Anyone but England- 2016.

Postby Arthur Crabtree » Tue Jan 17, 2017 6:30 pm

8. Ravichandran Ashwin. We were expecting the quick kill from Ashwin, but in the end it was a slow torture as England were stifled on pretty fair batting pitches- until they couldn't take the pressure any more and slipped out the back with a duelling pistol. When England got on top of their premier spinner, as in Rajkot and Chennai, he found wickets harder to come by. A likeable, placid and gentlemanly chap, between Mumbai and Chennai, Ravi eventually found himself involved in an on-field/off-field spat with James Anderson, giving himself at least that much in common with Brad Haddin.

Five Tests: 306 runs at 43.7. Four fifties.
28 wickets at 30.3. 3x5 wickets/innings. 1x10 wickets/match.

9. Ravindra Jadeja. For the first three Tests Jadeja was the support act in the two Ravis, mainly drawing approval from the commentators for his fielding (Nasser Hussain had him the best in the world, during a quiet passage of play, when not mixing him up with Lokesh Rahul). Ravi2's strike rate stretched over 100 until Chennai, where he took ten wickets. But it hardly mattered as England couldn't score a run off him. Quite a mischievous looking operator, but managed to escape confrontation with James Anderson (as far as I know).

Five Tests: 224 runs at 37.3. Two fifties.
26 wickets at 25.8. 1x5 wickets/innings. 1x10 wickets/match.

10. Mehedi Hasan. Probably the stand out performance of the year against England. Three 5-fers out of four innings. A little known debutant in Chittagong, and a Test winner in Dhaka, and all at 18 with the experience of only 15 first class games. Made the England batters look like mugs. Alastair Cook arrived as the most successful opening bat in Asia ever, but departed as Mehedi's first bunny.

Two Tests: 22 wickets at 15.6. 3x5 wickets/innings. 1x10 wickets/match.

11. Kagiso Rabada. It's tempting to pick Yasir Shah to complete an all spin attack, but the the charming Kagiso Rabada is a must pick for the best strike rate against England in the last year (29.9). Which was even better (unbelievably) than Mitch Johnson's in 2013-14. In fact it's the best for anyone in a series against England ever (taking more than a dozen wickets). Bloody hell.

Three Tests: 22 wickets at 21.9. 3x5 wickets/match. 1x10 wickets/match.
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