Predict a Cricket Headline for 2018

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Re: Predict a Cricket Headline for 2018

Postby from_the_stands » Wed Mar 28, 2018 10:28 pm

Dave Warner announces that he'll never play for Australia again. He offers his services to New Zealand, but they tell him to "pus off." He tries his luck with India, but the BCCI over rule. He finally tries England, who in a moment of madness accept. Upon entering the England dressing room for the first time, England captain Joe Root knocks Warner out, later defending his actions by claiming that this is how we welcome dickheads in Yorkshire.

:box
"Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it." Al Czervik, aka Rodney Dangerfield in "Caddyshack" (1980)

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Re: Predict a Cricket Headline for 2018

Postby Durhamfootman » Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:01 pm

Dave Warner signs a 3 year contract, for not a lot of money, to play county cricket for Durham from 2019 onwards, after he discovers an English grandparent hiding under a piece of sandpaper that he found lying around the Australian team dressing room
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Re: Predict a Cricket Headline for 2018

Postby andy » Fri Mar 30, 2018 5:49 pm

Alistair Cook retires from all cricket, to take up a career as a professional farmer
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Re: Predict a Cricket Headline for 2018

Postby from_the_stands » Sun Apr 01, 2018 9:34 pm

In an attempt to get the last Test washed out, CA fly Steve Smith back to South Africa for a press conference.
"Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it." Al Czervik, aka Rodney Dangerfield in "Caddyshack" (1980)

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Re: Predict a Cricket Headline for 2018

Postby Durhamfootman » Sun Apr 01, 2018 9:38 pm

Darren Lehman incensed at the accusation that he couldn't flood a cricket pitch on his own
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Re: Predict a Cricket Headline for 2018

Postby from_the_stands » Sun Apr 01, 2018 9:40 pm

The Oz team get an invite to drought ravaged Namibia following the current South Africa tour.
"Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it." Al Czervik, aka Rodney Dangerfield in "Caddyshack" (1980)

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Re: Predict a Cricket Headline for 2018

Postby Durhamfootman » Sun Apr 01, 2018 9:46 pm

Lehman Smith and Warner take a one year internship working for Red Adair
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Re: Predict a Cricket Headline for 2018

Postby from_the_stands » Sun Apr 01, 2018 9:59 pm

Klennex Tissues becomes the new sponsor of the Australian cricket team.
"Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it." Al Czervik, aka Rodney Dangerfield in "Caddyshack" (1980)

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Re: Predict a Cricket Headline for 2018

Postby bigfluffylemon » Sun Apr 01, 2018 10:02 pm

Steve Smith breaks down after sandpapering his balls.
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Re: Predict a Cricket Headline for 2018

Postby GarlicJam » Sun Apr 01, 2018 10:04 pm

Durhamfootman wrote:Lehman Smith and Warner take a one year internship working for Red Adair

Warner sacked after just the one week - as each conflagration got worse after he visited it.
Maybe
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Re: Predict a Cricket Headline for 2018

Postby Durhamfootman » Sun Apr 01, 2018 10:10 pm

Crufts send an application form to Dave Warner in case he wants to enter himself in the 'attack dog' category for 2019
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Re: Predict a Cricket Headline for 2018

Postby from_the_stands » Mon Apr 02, 2018 6:11 pm

The Australian public become suspicious of a cover up involving the remaining members of the Australian touring party after CA cancels their Qantas flight home and instead book them on a flight with Malaysian Airlines.
"Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it." Al Czervik, aka Rodney Dangerfield in "Caddyshack" (1980)

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Re: Predict a Cricket Headline for 2018

Postby Durhamfootman » Mon Apr 02, 2018 9:07 pm

Marc Almond re-releases his hit single 'Tainted Love' in Australia in time for the arrival of the touring party on home soil
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Re: Predict a Cricket Headline for 2018

Postby Arthur Crabtree » Mon Apr 02, 2018 9:23 pm

Almond's Soft Cell partner was called Ball, which is apposite.
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Re: Predict a Cricket Headline for 2018

Postby bigfluffylemon » Mon Apr 02, 2018 11:01 pm

from_the_stands wrote:Klennex Tissues becomes the new sponsor of the Australian cricket team.


Kleenex withdraws from its sponsorship. A spokesman says 'given the other thing our product is used for, associating with the Australian cricket team was sending a mixed message'.
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