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including the Australian and the Irishman.... because he doesn't know any better

Ollie Pope scores back to back hundreds in Lords test

Then gets dropped to make way for Ben Stokes coming back into the side, after his sensational 'not guilty' verdict.

Ian Bell makes it clear he is still available for T20 internationals.

Arthur Crabtree wrote:Ian Bell makes it clear he is still available for T20 internationals.

having worked out that that is the best way to get back into the test team

Lancashire all-rounder Jordan Clark to present this years Celebrity Big Brother

Graeme Swann turns up drunk for the first show on Strictly Come Dancing and justifies it by claiming his cat got stuck under his floorboards again

Durhamfootman wrote:Dave Warner signs a 3 year contract, for not a lot of money, to play county cricket for Durham from 2019 onwards, after he discovers an English grandparent hiding under a piece of sandpaper that he found lying around the Australian team dressing room

turns out I wasn't that far off the mark

Adil Rashid and Jimmy Anderson register highest individual test innings scores as England win the Trent Bridge test by 1 wicket.

Prime Minister Theresa May signs a deal for an opening batsman, wicket-keeper batsman, slow left arm bowler and a 90mph pace bowler for the ECB during her trade visit to South Africa.

(Idea partially nicked)

ECB announce a major new restructure of the county championship in order to deal with the problem of player burnout, by reverting to one division, extending the season to 17 CC games and making all counties play all their matches against Durham so they can win every game inside 2 days

this, they realise, will free up so much time in the county season that there will be scope to introduce 3 new competitions... the hundred, the eighty and the sixty..... with the possibility of the new super 6 where the whole 18 team competition will be played on one day at Trent Bridge.

Any county failing to beat Durham within the 2 days will be punished by a stiff fine and points deductions....................for Durham

Chairman Ian Botham agrees with Rod Bransgrove and Colin Graves that this punishment would be harsh but fair

fresh from his ECB funded lobotomy.... George Dobell also agrees with the new rules

rules agreed with over a year ago by Paul Newman and Mike Selvey

Scott Borthwick makes sensational comeback to Durham, whose signing of Raine prompted the one time England player to return back to his native North-East.

"My time at Surrey has not worked out as well as I thought it would be. Myself and Raine have enjoyed success whilst acting on Call The Midwife, so the opportunity to be re-united with a fond colleague is too good to miss."

Alastair Cook's new baby to open the batting for England in Sri Lanka.